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Scots Language Centre Centre for the Scots Leid

The Chairman o the Panel

27th July 2011

In Scotland, child offences are dealt with by a panel of three people, drawn from the general public. No qualifications are required, other than a sympathetic interest in children.

I hae tae say, o aa the chiels
Wha act the lay judiciary
I'm far the best at reddin up
The dregs o crass humanity

I've rowth o siller at ma back
Ma boatie's ay rowed weel
I've niver kent the bite o lack
Warm cled, frae heid tae heel.

Ma mither wis a mortal saint
By Gad, she worshipped me!
Aa weemin sud be vrocht like her
Oedipus? Fa wis she?

As this is nae a coort o law
I'll spikk ma mind richt plain
There's nane can garr ME haud ma tongue
I gie ma thochts fu rein

Nae lawyer tae cry, “Bigot, wheesht”
I prosecute an judge
I crack the maister's wheep betimes
An niver bear a grudge!

I like tae carve a pun o flesh
An tae apportion blame
As I've the richt tae dae,
Because o my untarnished name.

In wird an declamation
I am VERRA dignifeed
Jist speir at aa the errant sowls
The fowk I've crucifeed ...
I'm aywis ceevil fin I poor
Contempt upon their heid.

Ye maun be sensitive, ye see
Tae haunle this poseetion
An sae I am. I niver roar
Fin makkin my summation.

I tell them straicht —
“A mither? Ye? I doot ye cudna learn
Tae rear a grumphy's littlins
Let alane a tricky bairn!

It's aa yer wyte yer bairn's gaen wrang
Yer a patheetic sample;
Gin ye wad climm perfection's spire,

“I will endure words that hurt in silent peace, as the strong elephant endures in battle arrows sent by the bow, for many people lack self-control” from The Dhammapada: the right pathway of truth, a collection of 423 aphorisms revered by Southern Buddhists, translated by Juan Mascaró (Penguin 1973).