Me? Glowerin at the new neebours?
Since fan's it bin a crime tae dicht the windaes?
Onywye, it's ye I'm fashed aboot
Yer fuschias, an the girse ye sawed yestreen
A sausage dug's gaen bowfin up the green.
I's sweir I'll gar it claw far it's nae yoky
If it as much as piddles on the rock'ry...

Faith, fit a curriewurrin o a wife …
An orra, strushle breet
A mowser on her mou, an bauchled feet
She'd better takk her shot tae shiel the snaw
Or else she'll hae hett tongue and hetter lugs

Lord, did ye SEE yon fooshty, chittered rugs?
We'll hae tae fumigate fur fear o bugs.
It's surely minks we're gettin, ower the waa
Ye'll hae tae chyne the door wi'in the haa

God save's, a chunty!
I hinna seen the like since Willy's Aunty
Wis laid up fur a month wi clottit veins …

Wi filth as thick as thon, they'll choke the drains
The mannie's sark tail's hingin oot an plappin
He's wyvin up an doon like Charlie Chaplin
He's fu's a puggie. Dinna smirk like yon!
Ye needna think ye'll try HIS capers on
Or else ye'll takk up ludgins in the street

Noo, here's the bairns … a sorry tribe o geets
Wi nae hale pair o breeks atween the lot
An ilkie ane, a pecher-fu o snot

Glory be. He's giein me the fingers, little deevil
An yon's the thanks I hae, fur keepin ceevil!