Fit's a whigmaleerie?
Dinna speir at me!
Them that speirs nae questions,
Arena telt a lee!

Fit's a stammygaster?
Fegs, ye dinna ken?
Ye've as little on yer tongue's
The teeth upon a hen!

Fit's Esperanto?
Is't nae a kinna girse?
It's nae. Weel, the wint o't
Winna leave me wirse.

Fit's an oxter? Fit's a neive?
Fit did ye learn at schule?
Dam't ye'r as tongue-tack'ts
The Laird o Udney's feel!

I'm verbally impoverished?
Ochone, man, ochone,
Nae a Scot fa's wirth a groat'll
Staun an stammache thon!

Fit's linguistics onyroad?
Satty bree or brine!
Spurgies cheep, and lammies baa,
My spik's mine!