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Doric Food Rap

Birssle! Birssle! sing the twa broon kippers
Catched fur the grill bi the North East skippers
Oatcakes, cornflakes, da likes haddies
“Weetabix fur us” cry growin laddies!
Granda’s suppin up pease-meal brose
Gyad! Yon’s scunnerin, haud yer nose.
Granda’s teeth’s in a wee fite mug
Doon gaes the pease-meal — Glug, glug, glug.
Molly, the collie, chaws an auld coo’s been
The catty gnaws a ratty wi its milk an cream.

Skweel denner’s trendy ... Mine’s a pyock
O chips wi a burger an a can o Coke
Kali, frae Bali, in classroom three
Swallaes her chippataes wi a cup o tea
Dod, Jean, n’ Donna, sit doon tae dine
On a parten, an a labster, frae the ocean brine.

Hame tae teas-snuff the smells as roon!
Hairy tatties wyte fur Willy Broon
Pizza fur Peter brocht frae Italy
Omelette fur Jessie bocht in gay Paree
Stir-fry chucken jist fur Mary Ann
Paella fur Bella — chilli fur Sam.
Mary Buchan’s waukin back tae stovies
Mrs Giuseppi’s dishin up anchovies
Jimmy May’ll hae a plate o skirly
Cullen skink is in the pan fur Shirley
An I can tell bi the sea-fish-bree
There’s buckies bilin in the hob fur me!

On wi the jammies — suppertime noo
Shortbreid, cocoa, my kyte’s fu!


Nae yird, nae lift
Anely the snaa    
Doon-drappin
                       frae Hashin
The meen in the water
Brukken brukken brukken
Iverlaistin
                       frae Chosu